changes.

My weekly schedule, for the most part, is pretty idealistic. I do have a 9am-5pm job just like most other adults, but I only work Mondays-Thursdays. As I searched for the "right" nanny position, I made sure to look for a family that only wanted help 4 days a week. Five days a week just sounds poisonous; but don't get me wrong, I know that one day it will be inevitable :)

So what do I do with that extra day off? Well, I'll tell you. While I was at Moody, I had to find an internship for my major (pre-counseling), and I was lead to www.supportcaris.org through my academic adviser. I had 150 hours to fill, and about 4 months to fill it. Luckily, I had an abundant amount of time to do this last winter. So on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, I came in to do my "special project", as Moody calls it. But the more I came into the office to do my internship, the more I fell in love with the heart of this organization-- as well as its amazing employees. It was an easy commitment to take on; a place where one is constantly uplifted and loved on in a Christ-like manner? Yes, please.

After my internship hours were complete, I knew that I had the option of taking a 40-hour-a-week job, or... I could be slightly less ambitious and look for a little less. I took the second option :) So since the start of my job with Claire (in mid-June), I have dedicated one morning per week to Caris-- Fridays are always a great day. Now mind you, sometimes I have down-time while I am at Caris. The phones are not always ringing off the hook, and sometimes the clientele is not bursting at the seems. Full moons, I believe, is what brings most women in ;) But I digress.

During my down-time at Caris, you can definitely catch me looking at people's Facebook pages. It's the perfect time to get caught up with people's lives, glance at old memories shared with friends, etc. It's also the perfect time to sit and truly think... and pray. Today, I was looking at a very close friend's Facebook-- and while I snickered to myself thinking, "I can't believe we did that!" in half of the pictures that we'd taken together... I couldn't help but be a little sad. It's when I look at those pictures and realize... things aren't the same as they used to be last year. Or the year before that. Sure, things always change-- I've realized that at age 3 (what an age to become a realist, ha). But I think it's the changes that I see in others-- in myself-- that I know did not have to be; those are the changes that sadden my heart. It is when I realize that things will never be the same again, all because of the choices we make.

Don't get me wrong-- I do know that change is an EXCELLENT thing. In fact, I am the personality type that embraces change (where I guess 60% of the population opposes it...?), so I am not moping about the fact that everyone is a little different than they were last year, last week, etc. It's just that when I see a change occur that separates them from the rest of the world... I can't help but grieve. This type of change can feel like a partial death; the person is still alive, but not well. They are here in the physical, but not in the mental. Their choices have brought them a type of change that is separating them from their true purpose in life. And it's those types of changes that make me think, "Uh oh. I'm not next, am I...?"

But it's in these moments, as I sit here at this desk, that I must remind myself.... God restores and heals. Even if I see a friend struggling in the present, it doesn't necessarily mean that things will always be this way. God loves us all, all the same. Therefore, I know that He reaches into people's lives in different ways. I just have to trust that the times past were good in their season, and the times ahead need to be prayed for when I am looking at pictures of this friend. I have to trust that God is going to keep and hold her; that He will be the One to restore. Also, I have to trust that He is the only thing/One/person who NEVER changes. And it's in that, that I find rest. And keep looking at other people's Facebooks :)